Acne Troubles

Ever since I was nine, yeah that's right nine, I started seeing all these red spots all over my face. I started to freak out thinking they were chicken pox. Oh if only. They were the start of many nights crying in the mirror, pills, and creams. Last year, it seemed they were going away and I was super happy, but it didn't last. Since the spring, I have had the worst breakouts. It doesn't matter what I do with it, every day I find a new spot on my face. I am totally jealous of those whose acne consists of a few pimple when they were a teenager. Lately I am just so sick of it.

I have tried almost everything. Stridex pads, Neutrogena, Clearasil, Max Clarity, ect. My Septra pills helped for a long time, but they were starting to cause some major problems with my stomach so now I have tried a few other types of pills and they don't help at all. My skin just dries up and breaks out. Make up has always been a challenge since I can't afford the expensive stuff that would actually help my skin. Years and years of trial and error have produced few positive results.

Now I mentioned almost because there are some things I WON'T try. Birth control pills are not an option. I don't need to be on them and some of the side effects are not worth taking the pill. The only thing I have looked at that would help the most is a pill called Acutane. My dermatologist told me the results are spectacular and with the stubborn acne I have, it would be the best option. However, there are many steps you have to take. You have to sign your life away, make a commitment to either take a birth control pill or swear an oath to be abstinent, and go to the dermatologist every month to take a pregnancy test. Why would I have to do all this? It's because of the side effects that can happen. Permanent birth defects and/or not being able to have children. Ever. This is one of my biggest fears of all time. I started doing the paperwork and got a gut wrenching, sickening feeling in my stomach, telling me to not go through with it.

So, for now, I keep looking in the mirror wishing for a new face and give thanks to the Lord for giving me a boyfriend and friends that see past the acne and look at the real me.